The Smell of Heroism

I recently decided what my superpower would be if I were a superhero: The ability to make others smell roast beef. With a simple gesture of my hand in your direction, you would begin to detect the odor of roast beef. It might not seem like a big deal at first, but as time went on you’d start to wonder where that smell was coming from. Then you’d conclude that the smell must be coming from you. You’d wash your hands, but still smell roast beef. You’d change your clothes, but still smell roast beef. You’d take a shower, change the sheets, shampoo the carpets…but still smell roast beef. Pretty soon, you’d start thinking it must be some sort of neurological problem. You’d see your doctor, get an MRI, and be told nothing is wrong. The doctor would either think you’re making it up or he’d refer you to a psychologist. Your family and friends would watch you twitch and break into a cold sweat every time an Arby’s commercial came on TV.

To really use this as a superpower, I would have to use this to fight crime. Sure, I am not going to stop the Riddler from robbing a bank with this one, but I’d be going after bigger fish. I would use my power to go after the Lex Luthor and Norman Osborn type villains; the ones who have long, elaborate plots to take over the country or are trying to run an international private army. Imagine Lex in his command center trying to coordinate the theft of the final components for his latest doomsday machine and he has to stop to enact an edict that his henchmen and minions wash their hands and use mouthwash after their lunch. Instead of overseeing the raid on the secret government compound in Utah, he’d be diverting resources to install new air filters in his underground lair. Before long, his scientists would be pulled off of the doomsday machine to design him some sort of mega-respirator. The smell of roast beef would bring his fiendish plot to a standstill. That's the kind of hero I would be.