Who Will Save Me?

I just realized that I don't have a well-armed, redneck friend. Who will I turn to when the zombies attack? Who will take me in and protect me and my rag tag group of survivors? I don't know anyone with a fortified bunker in their back yard or basement. I don't know anyone who seems a little "off" and a bit intimidating, but once you get past the alcohol and the coarse language, you realize he really has a heart of gold.

Shit. I'm screwed.